Wednesday, November 30, 2011


I got an email yesterday that told me I have a new follower on Twitter. 

A follower?  I have a follower??  I had completely forgotten I set that up.  On top of that, I'm not narcissistic enough to think that anyone - me included - would really like to get continuous updates on my day.

Examples of imaginary tweets for a day in the life of Jen:

  • Got up this morning and made oatmeal for breakfast. It was good.
  • Almost stepped in cat barf - it looked amazing like the oatmeal I just ate.  Love those cats!
  • Lather, rinse, repeat...
  • Got to work early. Sometimes wonder AM ALWAYS GRATEFUL that my carpooler doesn't kill us each time he drives. Anger management, all I'm saying.
  • And a driver's safety course.
  • Why do I ride in with a crazy driver?  More knitting time, of course.
  •  Somebody had the WORST sour breath stinking up the coffee shop.  Remember, if you can't brush your teeth, breath mints are your friend.  And everyone around you as well.
  • Oh, heavenly coffee!!!   Coffee goooooooooooood....
  • Had to spend 10 minuets digging out my badge while balancing an oversized purse, a box of items for the office, and a cup of scalding hot coffee.
  • Got first stain of the day on my shirt.  Goodie.  Let's start the day out right.
  • Noticed co-worker A * humming tunelessly.  He plays drums in a band on the side, so don't really expect him to be able to carry a tune as long as he does it in beat.
  • Co-worker B has music on hold playing loudly on his speaker phone.  Music to coma by...
  • Just realized that co-worker A is trying to hum along with the music on holdHELP!
  • Plugged in ipod and cranked it up. 
  • Later realized that co-worker B put the music on hold on his speaker phone and LEFT THE OFFICE.  Dude...he thinks this is funny.
  • Unplugged c/w B's phone.
  • Tuneless humming from c/w A stopped.  Nirvana!
  • Went back to c/w B's cube and put in the top drawer of his desk upside-down, with all the stuff in it.
  • Re-plugged phone back in & turned the speakerphone back to MoH.
  • Listened to the sweet sounds of swearing coming from c/w B's cube when he opened his drawer.
  • LUNCHTIME!  Grilled cheese sandwich!  Yum!
  • Got back to desk and smelled something bad.  Did I get cheese on me somewhere?
  • Noticed a dirty gym sock (not mine) under my desk.  Seriously gross... 
  • Waited until c/w B left his desk and tied used gym sock under the seat of his chair.  Then left and washed my hands.
  • C/W B seems to have the sniffles.  Good luck finding your sock, buddy.
  • Time to go home and experience white knuckle driving at it's best. 
  • Keep trying to stomp on the imaginary brake but it's not working!
  • Home and safe at last! 
This is why I don't Tweet.  Had this been a real day - and some parts were - I'd have been too busy actually living my life to Tweet about it.  I also don't drop a Facebook post for each & every little thing either.   It's enough to work, spend time with family and all the things to do with that, and maybe have a bit of time left to knit.  I will be deleting my Twitter account.

Just as soon as I can remember how to get there.

* Names of co-workers have not been used to protect the innocent.  Or me.  They're both friends of mine as well as co-workers, anyway.

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